Dear Hope

Writing is my mental therapy. Writing allows me to express feelings that I would otherwise internalize. Here is a short poem I wrote to “Hope.” As the British clergyman and author Thomas Fuller stated, "If it were not for hopes, the heart would break."

Dear Hope,

Thank you for allowing me to cope.

The world has been abusive

You can see the hand prints,

That were left on my throat.

Some days I thought I’d suffocate,

These last 4 years were no joke,

And the beast in me became addicted to anger… like it was dope,

I ingested the love I had invested in lies,

No tears dripped down

Saw only blood when I cried,

My hair is knotty… beard is growing… Tattoos everywhere,

I’m physically intimidating with the stench of Green in the air,

I’ll hold on to you Hope, because nothing else is there,

Floating toward happiness …as I swim through despair.

So either run with me or get ran over,

Hoping God will order my steps as I continue to get older,

I’m not void of sin but my undying friend,

Told me to be patient, and he’ll meet me in the end.

-          Angel in The darkness

Sagging

Enough is enough. I have a bone to pick with any and every man, boy, and child that believes sagging is cool. I was at the store yesterday and noticed this “gangster” acting and talking disrespectfully. This fool had his pants so low his boxer shorts were showing. He couldn’t walk properly so he waddled, and even though he had a belt on (which was located at his mid thigh) he had to hold his pants up when he walks. Who said this style was cool? Whoever did was lying.

Sagging pants originated in American prisons. The Inmates wore loose fitting prison uniforms without a belt. In those days, belts were popular weapons used by the inmates to either commit suicide or murder others by hanging or strangling them. People with over sized uniforms had no option but to let their pants hang loose below their waist. Eventually, the inmates became so used to this trend that it continued even after the inmates were freed once their bid (sentence) was completed. Sagging was also used as a way for an inmate to announce their sexual preference while in jail. It indicated one was available for anal sex. Men started making their “women” do this to symbolize that they were owned and available. Somehow through the perversion that is hip hop culture, sagging made it out to the real world as cool behavior and got a major boost as a statement of style when rappers started wearing them in 1990s. This made the style popular among hip-hop fans trying to emulate their idols on stage and in music videos.

This style has nothing to do with being a gangster or tough guy these days. If you think about it a real hard rock (tough guy) would never wear his pants this low for a variety of reason. The 1^st rule of the street is being prepared for anything at all times. If a fight broke out you would be at an immediate disadvantage. It would be like trying to fight with a rope tied around your knees. Also what happens if you need to break out and run? Sagging pants would slow you down considerably.

So for all those people out there that look at these young men with fear because of their “gangster style”, stop it because there’s nothing tough about sagging. It’s just a stupid style adapted from the jail culture. To me it’s as soft as a man wearing skinny jeans or leggings.

Control

The definition of control is the power to influence people's behavior or the course of events. So I ask you this, how much control do we really have over our own lives? Watching the news helped me realize that we have far less control than most understand. How much control do you have over natural disasters, or your company shutting down, or how people behave? The answer is absolutely none. The only thing we truly have control over is our own mind and actions.

I've seen my fair share of heartache and mental pain. I have been in situations that literally tested the strength of my sanity. During those times I realized two things, when it’s all said and done the only things controllable were my thoughts and reactions. 

When I was 31 I suffered the most significant loss of my life. The pain I felt was shattering, the type of pain that breaks a person down to their core. I cried everyday for months. I was filled with an anger that destroys men from the inside out. I came to a point where my heart and mind had to make a decision. Either I could crawl into a mental/emotional hole and wave the white flag, or I could wipe my tears and accept reality and the precious gift I had lost.

When this realization occurred, it seemed like heaven opened up and granted me the divine gift of understanding. I finally got it! Some people travel through life and never learn this lesson. Each day is truly a gift. Everything from your family structure, to the children you have, to the place you work, to the place you live can all change in the blink of an eye. No matter how hard you cry or how much you pray… nothing will change. The wisdom to understand this and the strength to accept it is truly a gift from above.

I understand that life is simply a test, and we all will have to stand in judgment in front of God. Take control over your reactions, what you say to others, and how you treat people. Accept your reality for what it is so you can empower yourself to change what you can. For me, it all goes back to the daily pray my Grandmother (RIP) instructed me to pray in my hardest times:

God grant me the serenity

To accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference

Playas: A dying breed

I was walking in the mall yesterday and saw a young brotha trying to talk to a young lady. As she walked past, he softly grazed her elbow with his hand and said “What’s up baby?” The young woman looked him up and down and said “Please, I don’t talk to players.” A strange sadness fell upon me as I realized this was today’s reputation of a “playa”. A low budget, no charisma having, swagger lacking, constantly lying, L7 (square), perpetrating a fraud.

The "game" should be sold and not told, but today I will give a little of it for free to get all these fake “playas” back in line. The greatness of a real playa is his honesty. A real playa tells the truth in all areas of his life. He hides nothing, giving people an honest chance to “love it or leave it.” A playa can be down on his luck yet still make himself appealing just by being who he is. For example he may describe is his situation as such, “Beautiful, I don’t have a car or job, but we can ride the wave of our love and sleep under the shelter of our dreams” (that was smooth). By doing this, the "target" willingly chooses to deal with the playa, on the playa's terms. They understand exactly who and what they are dealing with, decreasing the likelihood of future issues. A playa is articulate; he says what he means and means what he says. Real playas love themselves for who they are and don’t try to portray themselves as what they’re not. There’s a confidence a playa has that cannot be broken or shaken, which commonly is what attracts the attention of women. 

Think about this, 9 times out of 10 men want better cars, better homes and better careers to attract better women. A playa doesn’t strive for any of the above things solely to attract a mate.  A playa survives off of his confidence, intelligence, charisma and mouthpiece (ability to speak) alone.

The fake “player” has been the downfall of the modern relationship. See, fake players warp their minds and the minds of women they deal with by lying and making others believe the lies.  Then everyone starts to live the lie.  It's only a matter of time before karma swoops in and smacks the side of your head.  

Finally, having a lot of women doesn’t necessarily make you a playa either. However, entering into all situations honestly with a sufficient dose of swagger and the ability to articulate your point properly does. Not everybody is meant to be a playa. Some of us don’t have the stomach to deal with the stress of being leaders and trendsetters in our life. So when you meet someone, deemed to be addressed as a playa, greet them with the pride and admiration he deserves….for we are a dying breed.

As Nas said, “I don’t have no game, just some 'bi*!%s’ that understand my story.” Young playas should live off that motto

I have a Dream

The words spoken by Martin Luther King Jr. on August 28, 1963 still ring like a bell in our minds in 2012. Inspired by a dream of equality, he spoke of what he prayed was to come for our struggling country. In some ways, we have grown closer to Dr. King’s dream, yet in others we have continued to fail.

So on this day in 2012… I have a dream. I have a dream that this country will stop being the bully of the world. Who told us it was ours to police? We speak of injustice in other countries and how we need to take down corrupt leaders, but what about the country we live in? For 400 years this country has treated minorities like 2nd hand citizens and the wealth in our country lies with 1% while the remaining 99% struggle…. I have a Dream.

I have a dream that churches will stand up and lead communities closer to God and unity instead of considering themselves as corporate entities only striving to make a buck. There is a reason mega-churches didn’t exist in the 50’s and 60’s. Small churches scattered around urban communities gave the people living in that community a place to worship and instilled a certain pride. That pride of community was the backbone of our power…and without Power they will not listen… I have a Dream

I have a dream that brothas will stop modeling themselves off the fake images on TV of what a real man is. Everybody wants to be a player but have no idea of the rules of the game. The images of dope selling and being a “Boss” are fake. We need to look up to the responsible men who take care of their families and handle their responsibilities with love and care… I have a Dream.

I have a dream women will heal from the extraction of men from the home due to jail and the mental damage that men have done. There are more black men in jail today than were enslaved in the 1800’s (think about that stat). It’s a sad cycle that was orchestrated centuries ago to take the man out of the house, devalue him and create a deeply embedded mistrust within the family unit…and it has worked. Beside ever strong man there is a strong woman. We need to regain your love and trust…I have a Dream.

They killed Dr. King because he had a dream. They killed Malcolm X and the Kennedy’s for the same reasons. So what do you think they will do to us? It’s up to us to create justice for ourselves.

And, in the words of Malcolm X “by any means necessary.”

Tebow

Everyone wants someone or something to believe in.  Sports figures are commonly looked up to for their performance on the field and on screen and the amount of money they make, rather than the way they carry themselves. Throughout this football season, it was a treat to watch Tim Tebow play football with the love and intensity sports are meant to be played with.

Let me be blunt. Sports players are extremely overpaid. In a country where teachers and other important professions are barely scraping by, men get millions of dollars to play with the pigskin. When put into its proper prospective, it's a child’s sport played by grown men for amounts that could help to heal our national deficit.

The problem is not the amount they get make but the arrogance they play with. Tim Tebow was great to watch this season. Seeing him play took me back to cold afternoons with my friends, where we would claim “who we were,” and would dream about playing in the NFL. The thing I really enjoyed about watching Tebow play was that he plays like he knows him playing football is a gift. The way he prays and always acknowledges God on and off the field is nice to see in the game today.

Hats off to you Tim Tebow, for your efforts and performance this NFL season year. Hopefully others will be inspired by your walk.

If you’re reading this via email click www.iamtheurbanmutant.blogspot.com to view the entire blog.