Sit Still

My Grandmother, Elizabeth Shines (RIP), told me as a child there was "an art to sitting down and being quiet." When I was young I used to believe she said that because of how energetic I was, and how I was constantly running around. By the time I became a grown man, I had learned to sit and enjoy the quiet and stillness associated with simply existing. With the current addiction to visual and mental stimulation most of us suffer from, this is a dying art. However it is extreemly important for mental clarity and the ability to "hear God speak."

The first step in hearing God...is silencing the world around you. Far to many times we look and listen to others with the hope of finding inspiration, or hearing a divine message... I have come to know, understand, and accept that it is in the recesses of my mind, when I am alone and motionless...is where I hear God speaking.... Once you find HIM within yourself, you will understand the true nature of the power that resides within you.

Let me Explain…. I’m still Me

In 1898 Paul Laurence Dunbar published a poem called “We Wear the Mask.” I can remember reading this poem around the age of 16. The poem seemed so powerful to me yet I didn’t truly understand its complete meaning. Brotha Dunbar wrote about the face we daily put on to hide the lies we tell, our bleeding hearts, and otherwise tortured souls.

I remember at 16 thinking I never wanted to be like that. I never wanted to hide what I truly felt because I never wanted to stifle my emotional growth. It wasn’t until I got “my feet wet in the game” that this changed. Once the women came I was much more conscious of how I was viewed by others. I loved to stand out, yet feared being weird.  I always strived to be different yet never wanted to be isolated from others.

I used to think showing anything but positive emotions signaled weakness in a person. Most of my life no matter what happened I would just smile and act like it didn’t affect me. Most of my friends and family knew me to always be upbeat and happy.

Fast forward to now. A lot of people read my posts and think I am dark or depressed or just down in general. I’m human so sometimes I am, but most of the time I’m not. I use writing as an outlet in the same way Brotha Dunbar did to release the pain and sorrow of my life experiences. I am still the same Coreymac, C-mac, MacDime, and whatever else I’ve ever been called, I'm just more" seasoned" in the game of life. The only difference is now I don’t front for anyone. If I know you and am comfortable around you, I’m not much different then I was at 16. However if I don’t know someone and/or am not comfortable around someone normally my presence makes them nervous, which is totally fine with me.  I remember talking to Nana about feelings uncomfortable around different people and in different situations. I would ask her how to stop or suppress these feelings. She told me, “You feel that way for a reason. What you have to do is learn to listen and use the feelings you feel to lead you past problems you can’t see.” In the words Drew (A stand up guy and like minded spirit from Detroit)… “it is what it is”.

So to my friends and loved ones know that I am fine. Yes I have walked through the fire of life. Yes I have experienced great losses and heartache as we all have, I just use writing as a way to purge, remind, and inspire myself and others to “keep pushing.”

-Kong