In 1898 Paul Laurence Dunbar published a poem called “We
Wear the Mask.” I can remember reading this poem around the age of 16. The poem
seemed so powerful to me yet I didn’t truly understand its complete meaning.
Brotha Dunbar wrote about the face we daily put on to hide the lies we tell,
our bleeding hearts, and otherwise tortured souls.
I remember at 16 thinking I never wanted to be like that. I
never wanted to hide what I truly felt because I never wanted to stifle my
emotional growth. It wasn’t until I got “my feet wet in the game” that this
changed. Once the women came I was much more conscious of how I was viewed by
others. I loved to stand out, yet feared being weird. I always strived to be different yet never
wanted to be isolated from others.
I used to think showing anything but positive emotions
signaled weakness in a person. Most of my life no matter what happened I would
just smile and act like it didn’t affect me. Most of my friends and family knew
me to always be upbeat and happy.
Fast forward to now. A lot of people read my posts and think
I am dark or depressed or just down in general. I’m human so sometimes I am,
but most of the time I’m not. I use writing as an outlet in the same way Brotha
Dunbar did to release the pain and sorrow of my life experiences. I am still
the same Coreymac, C-mac, MacDime, and whatever else I’ve ever been called, I'm just more" seasoned" in the game of life. The
only difference is now I don’t front for anyone. If I know you and am
comfortable around you, I’m not much different then I was at 16. However if I don’t
know someone and/or am not comfortable around someone normally my presence makes
them nervous, which is totally fine with me. I remember talking to Nana about feelings uncomfortable
around different people and in different situations. I would ask her how to
stop or suppress these feelings. She told me, “You feel that way for a reason.
What you have to do is learn to listen and use the feelings you feel to lead
you past problems you can’t see.” In the words Drew (A stand up guy and like
minded spirit from Detroit)… “it is what it is”.
So to my friends and loved ones know that I am fine. Yes I
have walked through the fire of life. Yes I have experienced great losses and
heartache as we all have, I just use writing as a way to purge, remind, and
inspire myself and others to “keep pushing.”
-Kong
