There was a time when I felt my manhood depended on the
number of women I had on my list. This list was a mental track record of the
women I had been intimate with. For a long time I labeled myself as a player. I
was proud of the fact that women loved to give me their bodies. I used to live
by Father MC’s quote “treat them like they want to be treated”, and most of the
time they treated themselves worse than I ever would.
Time brings understanding, and when you gain that
understanding it is your duty to use it in a productive manner. Over time I
started to realize that while I thought I was “Playa”, all I was doing is playing
myself. See, it took me a while to overstand that when I lay down with someone
it is not just a physical act. You share a piece of your spirit every time you
lay down with someone, and in turn they share a piece of themselves with you.
Honestly I was doing myself a disservice, because most women I encountered were
not worthy to indulge in my spirit at all.
Mentally I pimped myself. At times I messed with chicks that
were involved and it wouldn’t even phase me. They would lay up with me and do
everything under the sun, then go right back to their significant others and
act like it never happened. I used to pull pride from that….until it happened
to me. Seeing women act in that manner just lowered my respect and trust for them,
as well as my respect for myself, and my confidence and respect of
relationships as a whole.
At 36 I can say I have finally grown up. I realize “all
money aint good money.” I overstand that I am special. I overstand I am worthy
of an honest woman…and I am too good to be a dishonest man. I have been blessed
by Him whom gives Favor, and for that reason I will not share my body with
another woman until I know she has been rightful guided into my life by God. I
will abstain until I find my Queen. Some
will think I am crazy, some will understand my pain and where my changes stem
from. Some people want to be good…I am striving to be great….mentally,
physically, and spiritually.
Kong
