Growing I was taught to understand and deal with my emotions. I had different outlets to express the way I was feeling. For instance in high school when I was upset, I would look forward to football practice. I remember my coach Jack Gangsted (a great man and mentor) used to say “let’s make some pads pop.” I knew that was the time to release whatever anger I had stored in my brain and body. It’s hard to be mad after you violently run full speed into another person. What I learned from football practice was that emotions equal energy, negative or positive, and need to be expressed to maintain a healthy mind state.
Before a child learns to express themselves through speech, their actions tell how they are feeling. If a child is mad or hurt they cry. If they are happy they laugh and smile. As a child grows up, the amount of emotions they express decreases for various reasons. Sometimes male children are taught that expressing their feelings means they are soft. As a result, the child grows to be a man that has never learned the tools to deal with anger, disappointment, and sorrow, which is the number one cause of depression among men and women today. 25 million Americans (20% of women and 8.2% of men) suffered from depression in 2011. Depression was the leading cause of disability in the United States for individuals ages 15 to 44. (Royal College of Psychiatrists, 2012)
Nowadays everybody is so cool. People try to act like nothing affects them, and if they do show things affect them; they are labeled moody, crazy, and unstable. What most don’t realize is the stress caused from holding in your emotions doesn’t just go away. It’s internalized and influences your neurochemistry, which at times affects decision making and leads to some form of depression.
Michael Yapko of Psychology Today stated the following on July 1, 2003: “Your experience influences your neurochemistry at least as much as your neurochemistry affects your experience. These include your problem-solving capabilities, your coping style (whether you deal with problems directly and proactively or either ruminate or go into avoidance), your decision-making style (many people who are either depressed or are prone to depression make bad decisions that lead to depression and even make their depression worse), your perceptions of control (whether you see yourself as a victim of life experience or as having the power to take charge of your life), the quality of your relationships and relationship skills, and many other such personal factors.
Feeling hopeless and helpless are part of the disorder, and so depressed people are prone to believe there is nothing they can do to help themselves. That is flatly untrue. When people educate themselves and take proactive and deliberate steps to get help, including self-help, the probability of overcoming depression is high.”
In 2007 after a life crippling situation, I started having dreams where I would wake up sweating and in tears. I was having the same dream every night. On one hand, I would tell myself every day that the situation I was dealing with was no big deal. On the other hand I would sit by myself asking God “why me.” I didn’t want to let anyone see the pain and hurt I was going through because I didn’t want to seem soft and I didn’t want others to worry. I thought if I just put these emotions out of my mind they will go away. As the dreams continued and I tried to ignore the stress, my daily life became harder to deal with. I went to the doctor and she said I was depressed. So like 95% of all other Americans today I was prescribed a pill to help me with my depression.
I took the meds for 4 days and they made me feel like a zombie. It took away my emotional lows but in turn also took away my emotional highs. Once I looked up the side effects, I knew prescription medications where not the answer to my problems. On the 5th day I stopped taking the meds. That day I went to see my Grandmother (RIP) at her assisted living apartment. Since I was a child she could tell something was wrong with me the second she looked into my eyes. I told her about the dreams I was having. She told me, “Baby you are feeling the way you feel for a reason. No pill will cure you. The doctor may be able to help you control your mind, but only the Lord Thy God can heal your heart and soul. If you feel like crying…cry. If you feel like screaming…scream, and when all else fails…pray.”
That’s exactly what I did. For over a year I cried, screamed, and cursed. I didn’t care what people thought or said about me. I used natural herbal remedies to lighten my mood. I surrounded myself with positive people and activities. I used weightlifting and MMA training to help me release my anger, and yoga and meditation to regain an inner peace. Like others, my depression had come from life and the way I was dealing with it. So instead of medicating myself, I choose to stand up, find positive outlets for my feelings, and be a living witness to the strength and mental clarity God can grant in the time of struggle.
What some fail to realize, is stress promotes growth. Our hearts and souls are much like a muscle. To make a muscle stronger you have to break down the muscle fibers. As the muscle recuperates the fibers grow stronger each time they are stressed. God never promised life would be easy or that we wouldn’t have problems. Each situation we go through prepares us for the next. So instead of diluting your mental capacity using drugs, learn to embrace the pain, anger, happiness, and sorrow you feel. Find healthy outlets for your emotions and learn to verbally express how you feel. It is said “God doesn’t put more on you than you can handle.” Trust and believe in that fact. Stop turning to man to give you the answers and relief only “The Lord Thy God” can grant.
